114_110_105_100

From Blackholecali

2006-02-15T04:31:45Z

IF YOU ARE ON MY FRIENDS LIST, OR IF I AM ON YOURS, FILL THIS OUT PLEASE:
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RECOMMEND
1. a film:
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PLUS
1. one thing you like about me:
2. two things you like about yourself:
3. put this in your lj so i can tell you what i think of you.
4. Optional: POST A PICTURE OF you:

114_110_105_100 @ 2006-02-14T22:05:00

2006-02-15T03:06:46Z

I need to get a new Layout.

I have hot coco in my cabinet =\
I wanna drink it RIGHT now, or tomorrow, but i would rather have a sandwich with jam, than just liquid.
Gah, i wanna go on a liquid diet right now! =\

114_110_105_100 @ 2006-02-14T15:10:00

2006-02-14T20:58:47Z

Happy Valentines everyone!! =)

Today started of happy cuz i saw my bf at warden station to see him and give him food =)
Must be my ed thats making me sooo motherly! lol
And he was so0o sweet! He gave me a necklace with a butterfly attached to a pink little diamond. awww!
I ♥ it

Then i went home and slept until 10am. And THATS when things got pretty bad.
I was sooo scared that i was gonna have a massive binge, i ended up eating my breakfast and lunch within 2 hours! eeek!! =\
But at least that was it. whew.
Still, scary.

-

I've decided that instead of only limiting myself to 500cals or less, i'm gonna up it up to 1,000cals.
I dunno why, but telling myself i can have a lot of food gives me a sigh of relief! I WILL NOT eat up to 1,000cals, but a lot less, still under 500cals tho. lol i'm not sure if i'm making sense of not, but it makes sense to me! lol

Oh yes, i am NEVER gonna have fruit in the morning for breakfast EVER again. i'm just asking for a binge then! cuz i'm sooo not full! =(

114_110_105_100 @ 2006-02-13T21:08:00

2006-02-14T02:14:29Z

End of the day review:

Breakfast: bran buds w/ 1/2cup light soy =110cals
Lunch: light wheat bread w/ 1Tbsp NSJam =120cals
Dinner: apple =100cals (maybe even less, it was small, but rounding the cals just in case!)
Total= 330cals

BUT

I picked at some food that my mommy made (150-170cals)=\
that was really disappointing in me ='(

Thus, GRAND TOTAL= 480-500cals

I guess it was OKAY, at least i'm not over my limit!
Tomorrow will be better =)
Thank goodness i stopped tho! Plus, i got some things done today, AND bought myself a Hilary Duff Calendar!!! =o
I think she's just beautiful! My bf tells me i look like her before she lost weight, so i hope that someday i can look like her now!

114_110_105_100 @ 2006-02-13T14:49:00

2006-02-13T19:51:52Z

Hmm i think my weight today might be 115 pounds. i really don't know, but i know myself so i'm just gonna say 115Lbs as my starting weight!

Gah, 115? i'm a fartass! but i'm not gonna complain and nag, i'm gonna work hard and do something about it! Right guys?! YEAH! lol

I won't tell you what i had today until the day is almost over =)
stay strong everyone!
I'm gonna work real hard, i wanna look awesome this summer!! >_<
That is much better than ANY food on the planet.

114_110_105_100 @ 2006-02-12T21:47:00

2006-02-13T02:48:42Z

Tomorrow starts my 15 days of hopefully good eating, ie. no bingeing! =\

Blah, my scale is broken! lol, its digital and its really low batt! =(
I have no idea when my daddy is gonna buy new batteries! But hopefully before the month of march!

Anywho, i can't wait for tomorrow, i KNOW i can do this! i've gained a LOT of weight these past 2 days, i've been bingeing! =(

WE CAN DO THIS SHELLANE! =D
and very very happy birthday!

114_110_105_100 @ 2006-02-10T21:34:00

2006-02-11T02:35:13Z

HEY EVERYONE! =)

I did pretty well today, all under 500cals!
I'm quite proud, and although i don't think i will be wearing my new red shirt for valentines, at least i will be able to wear it someday!

I really hope that this summer i am not gonna be hiding myself under long shirts or sweaters.
i am gonna let this be my new inspiration to make it through everyday.
hopefully by the end of may i will be 95Lbs

114_110_105_100 @ 2006-02-09T15:08:00

2006-02-09T20:09:45Z

From this fucking day i SWEAR, i am not gonna weigh my fat self!
ahhhhh, i just HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE it!! holy crap!
i neeeeed and STRIVE for self-control! >_<

I have these 3 pairs of pants that i USED to fit into when i was about 95-100lbs.
That is MY goal. Every once in a while i WILL try them on, and the DAY i fit into them, then i will weigh myself, and stop dieting! hopefully that day will come before my birthdate in May! =(

I can just continue to rant!! god, i need to do some self reflection!

114_110_105_100 @ 2006-02-09T15:07:00

2006-02-09T20:06:39Z

Had a great day 2 days ago and lost 2 pounds but now i'm up again to 113pounds.
yes i wanna die RIGHT NOW!

114_110_105_100 @ 2006-02-08T14:57:00

2006-02-08T19:58:29Z

HOLY crap! i really need to get my fat self in gear!
I was doing awesome since the beginning of this moneth, and i'm already slipping!
my goal for this month was to maintain 110LBS! i needa dooo this!
Me and my bf fought like madd last night, i was so depressed.
I hate fighting, i have nightmares and urges to eat!

Sometimes i wish i never met him, but now i have, i wish i can leave him...

I'm going away for college this coming september, hopefully then i can learn how to grow up and take care of myself and maybe, forget about him...

51.1kg

2006-02-06T16:39:34Z

Well i am back up to 112 pounds! gah!
I'm not feeling too shitty about it tho, i ate for 3 days straight of anything i liked! =\
Yesterday i went to my bf's house cuz his mom invited me over for lunch! the food was great! =P
I also had a bunch of stuff too, and her ice cream is to die for! lol!

But i'm restricting today =)
Under 300cals, and i'm sure i will be near 110 pounds tomorrow! or at least i'm hoping!
i just gotta stick to it, and theres nothing i can do! =)
I'm feeling pretty good right now, so yeah!
I can't wait until valentine's day! =D
I wanna wear that red low cut tank top i bought when my bf takes me out!! eeeeek!!!
It fits, but i want it to fit MORE when i have stuffed myself with food!
i'm gonna try REALLY hard!

good luck girls! =D

114_110_105_100 @ 2006-02-03T22:01:00

2006-02-04T03:03:43Z

oh man! the MORE i look at the display yucky i feel!
NOTHING is SCARIER than BACK FAT!!!!!!!!!
i don't know how i can stress than enough! lol.
ok i think i'm going nuts, i'm sooo tired!
but i'm waiting for my bf to get off work so we can talk =(

114_110_105_100 @ 2006-02-03T15:38:00

2006-02-03T20:54:14Z

OK, see this is what i have decided!

SINCE i really want to eat like a normal person in the long run, but i know that b/c i am restricting now i WILL gain weight when i eat more. So i'm going to lose 5 more pounds from my goal weight, so those 5lbs can be used for normal eating weight gain. So i won't be too bummed about it!

But now, i need to lose hmm... 25lbs! Holy crap! that will be done in about the month of July? yeah.
my plan is to lose 5lbs EVERY MONTH, so that way my mom can get used to it, and i won't be so cold or dizzy! And hopefully won't lead to massive binges. I am STILL deciding on how many calories i should have for this month, maintaining 100Lbs. Maybe 600cals? and how often i should exercise. I don't want my weight loss to slow down next month, or i'll be soooo damn dissapointed! =(

But seriously i don't even know if i wanna get to 85lbs! =\
Yes i wanna be skinner, but still have the curves that i have now.
My bf think i look sooo hot, he's never been more attracted to me now! Blah, i dunno. i would like to tighten up my loose fat, ESPECIALLY around my waist.

DAMMNIT, i WANNA BE 34-25-34! Now THAT is my DREAM measurements! =P
I need to lose 3 more inches in my waist! i am currently 28 inches =(
Buts its okay, i have a long way to go, and i think this time, i'm gonna make it.
My mind is different, i don't wanna go on fad diets and starve. I wanna lose it right.
I know, 5lbs a month is a lot to lose, but my bmi is 23, almost overweight! i need to get to 95lbs by may 26!

DAY 3

2006-02-03T17:43:50Z

Day 1: 300cals
Day 2: 500-600cals (i am only suppose to have under 500cals a day)

Today is day 3 and i went from 114lbs to 108 pounds TODAY!!
yayaya
hope everyone is doing sweel also! =)

114_110_105_100 @ 2006-02-01T15:17:00

2006-02-01T20:18:37Z

They are ALL 5'5 to 5'6 and weigh UNDER 100lbs!
Man, i wish i was THEM!

114_110_105_100 @ 2006-02-01T14:56:00

2006-02-01T20:00:47Z

Well woke up later than expected, took a shower, straightened my hair FINALLY! lol.
I finally got a lot of important things done, like my college application and asking for a updated version of my transcript! i'm sooo glad, that all those crap is DONE!
I also went and did some grocery shopping =)

Today is going pretty well! I didn't even have a bite of coco puff cereal when pouring it out for my brother! =) Very proud! or that great smelling food my mom made!
I'm sticking to my diet plan! And i'm eating my "planned" carrots right now! =)
Then apple later!! woo hooo!

BY THE WAY, today i woke up and SHOCKINGLY, i was 50.8kg!! =o
I could NOT believe it!! cuz i've been eating like a pregnant woman, and EVEN binged the night before =(
But oh well, i'm still working hard! =D

Good luck EVERRRYYYOOONNNEEE!

Day 1

2006-01-23T20:27:42Z

Weight: 51.8kg!

Well just fucker me! almost 114lbs again. You know i can't even wrap my fingers around my wrist no more, well yeah but barely!! and i must say, its driving me insane and sooo depressed!
I don't really wanna weigh myself until i can do it again!!! =(
Who knows when that'll be! ='(

Anywho, today went swell! I ate what i planned to eat (so far, its only 3:23pm) and exercised for 45mins!
Burned about 100cals, enough for me.

Shredded Wheats Cereal- 110
1 cup milk- 90
apple- 100
carrots- 45
dinner- 50

Total= 395
After workout= 295

I think thats pretty good, i realized that i NEED to eat, so i won't binge! And staying under 500cals i can eat what i want if i crave it. I'll exercise to keep my metabolism up. Hopefully by eating healthy, and the same foods everyday for at least a week, my body will get used to it and burn it faster!
God, now i just really need to get through dinner, i always tend to eat more than i plan! =\
But i'm gonna do it! I'm gonna challenge myself!
STAY STRONG

114_110_105_100 @ 2006-01-21T19:02:00

2006-01-22T00:04:22Z

whooooopeeeedoooo!!! haha
GREAT day today folks!!
ate when i planned, didn't cut nor binge when problems arised! so proud, friggin hard tho =(
But i did it, i'm feeling powerful and just awesome =)
PLUS i did a 45min workout tape!!

NOT gonna weight AT ALL until Jan 29!

114_110_105_100 @ 2006-01-18T22:39:00

2006-01-19T03:33:04Z

Awww my daddy is sooo smooth and sweet =)
I was pointing at a family picture hanging on the wall (2 years ago when i start losing weight) and asked him if i looked fatter now than before? His reply You look great now!
awww i knew he felt like he had to say that cuz he's scared i might be hurt, but he's never said something like that before, it was just really very sweet and considerate of him. i love you daddy!!!! ♥

114_110_105_100 @ 2006-01-14T21:35:00

2006-01-15T02:28:19Z

I SOOO SOOO SOOO Failed today =(
Not tomorrow FOR SURE!>_

114_110_105_100 @ 2006-01-13T15:37:00

2006-01-13T20:29:56Z

FINALLY, i am out of the sad/unhappy phase, now just a little discontent! lol.
Happiness HERE I COOOOME!

114_110_105_100 @ 2006-01-13T15:33:00

2006-01-13T20:28:04Z

I've JUST realized than i only have 10 more pounds to go!!! eeeek!!!
And when i tell myself that i just need to lose 5lbs it makes it easier? sort of, i guess =P
Anywho, i wanna go buy meself some butterfly stub earrings!! For $23.00, but its real sterling silver =\
Anyways, i'm glad i'm doing great! i'm already feeling better. But i know to get to 105lbs is gonna be SOOO tough!!! I think i'm not gonna weigh myself for the weekend, or for awhile, so i don't get discouraged? well i g2g go to work!

yayaya!!

2006-01-13T18:27:52Z

Woo hoo! i finally made it to my FIRST starting weight 110 Lbs!!!
I'm really happy =)

114_110_105_100 @ 2006-01-12T23:35:00

2006-01-13T04:29:16Z

Today i didn't eat what i was suppose to eat for dinner =\
I had some food that my mommy made cuz it looked so MUCH more delicious than my yogurt! =P
I didn't have a lot, and ended up purging some of it up =(
I don't know what went over me, i guess my obsession

I hope i'm down at least 0.5Lbs or 1Lbs tomorrow.
I will eat what i am suppose to eat tomorrow for sure!

114_110_105_100 @ 2006-01-12T13:43:00

2006-01-12T18:35:14Z

Today i weighed at about 111.5lbs yess! i'm sooo happpy!!
Yesterday i had about 900 calories! =\ and still lost 2 pounds! whooopee!!
Today has been pretty great so far! I got paid yesterday and i wanna go get those butterfly stub earrings =D hehe, they are soo00o beautiful and its real sterling silver!

I'm feeling FUCKING awesome!!!

Only 1.5 pounds to my FIRST STARTING GOAL WEIGHT!